Queen of Pain

too tired to sleep
too awake to dream
too alert to move
too lazy to stay still


driving head on into a thunderstorm at 160 km/hr
with the windows all the way down
and the song on the stereo so loud its no longer music just distorted noise
and the lightning accentuating the droning of the engine and the senseless beat of the drums that you can't even hear its not the speed
or the rain
that terrifies me
just the glint in your eyes

no one is your equal
you give the gift of pain

my non-new years

My New Years = me at home alone with a bottle of malibu

how do you spell pathetic?

I'll give you a hint it starts with K
and ends with ME

hope you all had a good new years, I'll try harder this year.

i wrote this a while ago

I'm tired of being talked at instead of to
of pathetic girls
of assessments
of having no idea what i want
of being hungry and unhappy
of pens leaking and breaking and running out of ink in the middle of an exam
of having no talent and no motivation
of cold class rooms
and crows
of reading books i'm told to instead of ones i want to
of writing to please
of being angry and upset and tired
of messy handwriting (my own)
and computer speak (ell ohh ell)
of no-one caring
and everyone caring too much
of blue lines and red corrections
of loudmouths and blank looks
of words and phrases
of plastic chairs and plastic-er cheese
of feeling helpless and uneasy
of not knowing and not wanting to ask
of having to ask and not being told
of pretending and practicing
of the same house in the same street in the same hole
of kittens and cats and meows and purrrrs (because i miss them)
of swearing and nicknames
and dyed hair
of snickering and pointing
of being right and told you're wrong
of songs that are rip-offs
of time passing too slow
but too fast
of miss interpretations
of running out of space in a note pad
of spelling mistakes
of waiting and being late
of being the only one
of being no-one
of not doing what you want and doing what you're told
of messages that don't make sense
of having to let go
of having to remember when it hurts
of bells and warnings
of rushing
of having to finish when you're not done
of...

my birthday

18 today
house is crowded with family and friends

Hana

my cat died last week


i keep forgetting
and putting food out for her

i miss her

everything must come to an end

well thats it then isn't it?
i think i've done everything
but then
knowing me i've forgotten something

oh well

i'm tempted to continue this blog into the future

maybe give it a make over

start talking some crap


maybe.....

i like that idea

word, excel and virtual worlds

i found the advanced uses of Microsoft word and excel were very easy
i spent most of the time helping the people around me so sorry but *yawn*
i guess i just have too much spare time and go through drop down menus too much
anyways i did learn new stuff too, it was just really easy to figure out

the virtual world was a whole other situation
the server did not like me
it would not let me join
disappointing
so i went to habbo hotel where i have an old account from highschool
again disappointing
i never knew it was so boring
i spent most of my time throwing snowballs at seemingly the only other person online
ok so maybe the snowballs were slightly fun
but there was no conversation

to be honest i would have rather spent my two hour tute on myspace